Relapse Danger signs
Many relapse danger signs warn us of a possible relapse. If we do a weekly inventory of the danger signs listed in this section, we may be able to prevent some relapses. Recovery helps us develop healthy responses and attitudes. We learn to deal with life on life’s terms, not on the unhealthy terms dictated by our disease. Recovery is not a single event, but a long and often difficult process. It takes discipline – day in and day out – to hold on to the attitudes and actions that lead to a new life. It often feels as though the old ways and the new ways are in a fight to the death. Sometimes the old ways win out for a time – we take the drink or use the drug we swore we would never touch again. When that happens we relapse.
Resentment: The Big Book refers to resentment as the ‘number one offender’ because ‘it destroys more alcoholics than anything else’. Holding on to the past hurts or slights (real and imagined) can trigger a relapse. It may be that we need to do another Fourth or Fifth Step with a sponsor, a clergy person or someone in our recovery programme whom we respect and trust.
Exhaustion: When we are well rested and in good health, our thinking is clearer. When we are overtired and in poor health, our thinking is more muddled. If we feel bad enough, we begin to think drinking or using couldn’t make it worse.
Dishonesty: We begin with a pattern of unnecessary little lies we tell to fellow workers, friends and family. Then we lie to ourselves. This is called ‘rationalising’ – making excuses for doing what we know we should not do.
Impatience: We feel impatient when it seems things aren’t happening fast enough or others aren’t doing what they should be doing fast enough.
Argumentativeness: Are we arguing small and ridiculous points? Do we always need to be right? We may be looking for an excuse to drink or use.
Anger: When we stop drinking or doing other drugs, many emotions come flooding in. We may get angry at ourselves that we have a problem called ‘addiction’; we may get angry with others who are not addicted and seem to have it so easy. We may become angry, which is always prevalent in terms of relapse danger signs because our lives haven’t improved despite our sobriety. Such anger – when not discussed at meetings, with a sponsor, or with the person you’re angry at – this can lead to relapse.
Depression: Unreasonable and unaccountable despair comes in cycles that alert us to relapse danger signs. When it does, deal with it. Talk about it at meetings, with a sponsor or with a counsellor. Don’t bottle it up.
Frustration: Things aren’t going our way. We’re agitated. But when this happens we can remember that recovery gives us the tools we need to handle life on life’s terms. One of life’s terms is: ‘Things will not go our way at times’. Another is: ‘People will not behave the way we want them to behave’. Relapse danger signs like these need to be taken seriously, and not overlooked.
Self-Pity: A favourite snake in the grass in terms of relapse danger signs. Beware of thoughts such as these: “Why do these things happen to me? Why must I be an alcoholic? It is not fair. People don’t appreciate all I am doing for them. So look for the relapse danger signs well in advance. Prevention is better than cure.
Cockiness: We feel as if we’ve got it made. We no longer fear alcoholism or other drug addiction. We go into drinking and using situations to prove to others that we have no problem. If we do this often enough, it will wear down our defences. A favourite saying of old-timers in AA is: “If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you’re going to get a haircut”.
Complacency: If drinking is the furthest thing from our minds, then not drinking is no longer a conscious thought either. It’s dangerous to let up on discipline because everything is going so well. A little fear is a good thing. More relapses occur when things are going well than when they’re not. So look for the
Unrealistic Expectations: When we think: “I’ve changed, why hasn’t everyone else?” we’re in trouble. If people change, great. If they don’t, we can’t force them. We cannot expect other to change their lifestyles just because we have. The world is not obligated to pay us respect because we have sobered up.
Lack of Discipline: When we stop prayer, meditation, daily inventory and AA attendance, we slip into complacency and boredom. But we cannot afford to be bored with our programme. The cost of relapse is too great.
Mind-games: As dependent people, we can play mind games. Perhaps we think: “As long as I’ve quit using alcohol, a little marijuana wouldn’t hurt”. Or: “What’s wrong with a prescription form my doctor to calm me down when I’m nervous?” Those of us who have used this kind of thinking know how often it leads us back to our old addiction while introducing us to a new one.
Greed: We should not set goals we cannot reach through normal effort. We’ll get what we’re entitled to as long as we do our best, but it may not come as soon as we like. When we find ourselves wanting too much, we can remember the adage: ‘Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have’.
Lack of Gratitude: Don’t concentrate on life’s problems. Although we’re not trying to be Pollyanna’s, it’s good to remember (often) where we started and how much better life is now.
Dangerous Thinking: We begin to think that it can’t happen to us. When we do, almost anything can happen, especially if we’re careless. Remember, drug and alcohol addiction is a progressive disease. If we relapse, we’ll simply pick up the disease where we left off when we came to recovery.
Omnipotence: When we think we have all the answers for ourselves and for others, when no one can tell us anything, when we ignore suggestions or advice from others, relapse may be imminent. A simple remedy is to ask our counsellors and other people form our recovery group to give us a firm yet gentle reminders when we act omnipotent. It works.
Guilt and Shame: When we’ve been sober for a while, strong feelings of worthlessness may surface. We remember all the bad things we’ve done (guilt). Gradually, we may come to believe that we are bad at our core (shame). We think: “My life is beyond repair, so why bother? This faulty thinking can lead to relapse. We need to rework Steps Four and Five to reach a more honest assessment of ourselves. If the shame is rooted in early childhood, we may need to see a counsellor to help us sort things out.
When we think of the danger signs of relapse and relapse itself, some of us might picture a cliff. Once we step over the edge of that cliff, we may think there’s no turning back – there are no lifesaving vines to grab. But that’s simply not the case. Relapse is not unusual in recovery from chemical dependency, and any one of us is at risk for relapse. In fact, some experts think the tendency to relapse is part of the disease. If it is, then we need to pay attention to the warning signs. This pamphlet will help us not only identify the warning signs of relapse, but also to be more aware of the value of participation in Alcoholics Anonymous groups and other aftercare activities. And if we do relapse, we’ll know the consequences and how to get back into a strong and lasting recovery. Before we read on, we should realize that we don’t have to recover alone. Through the Twelve Steps and with the help and encouragement of our peers, our attitudes can change. We learn recovery is more than just staying off alcohol and other drugs; it is becoming aware of a whole new way of life. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes this new way of life well: “We became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life.”
For more information on the danger signs of relapse contact us on 044 533 0330 or call info@pathwaysplettrehab.co.za