Ego of addiction
Within many addicted people is a scared, lonely, shamed boy or girl who whispers self-defeating thoughts based on a lifetime of negative messages. We constantly compare ourselves to others and feel we don’t measure up. This ends up manifesting in the ego of addiction.
These feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, and I-don’t-belong become a central part of our personalities. The ego of addiction we refer to as ‘King Baby’ – a selfish, demanding being – emerges as a reaction to these feelings of shame and inadequacy. As we childishly strive to be accepted and to please other people, we begin to seek things from the outside to feel better inside.
Designer clothes, fast cars, attractive girlfriends or boyfriends, drugs, and the excitement of life in the fast lane help ease our pain. We develop attractive, magnetic, charming exteriors to get our way. Pleasure-seeking, power-seeking, and attention-seeking devices are used to fill the void, but the void remains. No amount of love, status, money, or fame is enough for the scared little child in us.
Seeing this as a weakness, the ego or King Baby part of us will try to destroy, attack, and push aside our scared little child. By denying these feelings, King Baby ultimately blocks out the fact that the scared little child exists.
Addicts are expert self-saboteurs. Addiction itself is, in some ways, an act of self-sabotage. Rather than dealing with uncomfortable feelings and finding workable solutions, addicts turn to drugs and alcohol, temporarily escaping one problem only to create bigger ones. The ego itself becomes bigger.
King Babies who are full of pride and ego, share a wide range of personality traits that manifest this ego of addiction. None of us has all of these traits, but we will probably find many that describe us. King Babies may show these ego characteristics as follows. If they sound familiar, maybe it’s time to seek addiction treatment that goes beyond getting rid of the substance and heads straight in the emotional and psychological core of the person affected by the ego of addiction:
- often become angry at or afraid of authority figures and will attempt to work them against each other in order to get their own way
- seek approval and frequently lose their own identities in the process
- are able to make a good first impression but are unable to follow through
- have difficulty accepting personal criticism and become threatened and angry when criticized
- have addictive personalities and are driven to extremes
- are self-rejecting or self-alienated
- are often immobilized by anger and frustration and are rarely satisfied
- are usually lonely even when surrounded by people
- are chronic complainers who blame others for what’s wrong with their lives
- feel unappreciated and think they don’t fit in
- see the world as a jungle filled with selfish people who “aren’t there” for them
- see everything as a catastrophe, a life-and-death situation
- judge life in absolutes: black or white, right or wrong
- live in the past while fearful of the future
- have strong feelings of dependence and exaggerated fears of abandonment
- fear failure and rejection and don’t try new things that they might not do well
- are obsessed with money and material things
- dream big plans and schemes and have little ability to make them happen
- cannot tolerate illness in themselves or others
- prefer to charm superiors and intimidate subordinates
- believe rules and laws are for others, not for themselves
- often become addicted to excitement, life in the fast lane
- hold emotional pain within and lose touch with their feelings
Ego of addiction, Pride and emotions
David Sack, MD has a lot to say about the blocks of ego that stand in the way of a quality life in drug addiction recovery. Often unbeknownst to the addict, these thoughts translate into feelings of hopelessness and defeat, leaving the addict feeling desperate for a high and virtually feeling powerless to resist. As we always say it is the truth, that will set you free. The closer we get to the source of ego of addiction in treatment at Pathways Addiction Treatment Centre, the more free the client will become.
Negative Self-Talk
Inside an addict’s mind runs a soundtrack of self-attacks: “I’ll never get it right.” “I don’t deserve to be happy.” Many addicts suffer from a core belief that they aren’t good enough or don’t deserve anything but the misery they’ve known in active addiction. They accept self-judgments and abuse they would never tolerate from other people.
Often unbeknownst to the addict, these thoughts translate into feelings of hopelessness and defeat, leaving the addict feeling desperate for a high and powerless to resist. Recognizing and intervening in this ongoing negative commentary and substituting more accurate thinking is an essential skill in recovery from ego of addiction.
Self-Pity
As Helen Keller famously said, “Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” In moderate doses, feeling sorry for yourself serves a useful purpose in recovery. Many addicts have suffered devastating trauma, both pre-addiction and as a result of their addiction. Grieving for one’s losses can be an integral part of the healing process.
The problem arises when self-pity zaps you of your motivation to recover or turns into resentment, hopelessness or blame. Instead of taking responsibility, self-pity becomes a way to justify blaming others or refusing to take positive action. While self-pity may have served a purpose in active addiction, left untamed, it can jeopardize your recovery.
Ego
“I’m not like these people.” “I can do this myself.” These ego-centric thoughts typically mask deep-rooted insecurities, anxieties and fears. When ego gets in the way of recovery, the addict becomes competitive with others, working harder to be right than to stay sober. As a result, their recovery is superficial and their personal growth stunted.
Isolation
Most addicts know the hazards of isolation in recovery, but the habit is so ingrained that their natural inclination is to withdraw without even realizing it. Isolation fuels loneliness and depression, and ego of addiction as a whole, increasing the likelihood of a return to addictive thinking and behavior. As with many aspects of recovery, the antidote is within your control: Get involved in activities you enjoy and ask for help, whether from family, friends, a support group, sponsor or other trusted source.
Stress
You can’t block all stress from your life, whether you’re in recovery or not, but you can control how you react to everyday stressors. If you take on too much too soon or refuse to say no when you’re overextended, you make yourself more vulnerable to drug cravings and relapse.
Boredom
Another enemy to recovery that is well within the addict’s control is boredom. Meetings and counseling sessions are integral parts of a recovery program, but they aren’t sufficient to make each day fun and fulfilling. To fill the time once spent getting and using drugs, you’ll need to explore new interests, create an enjoyable daily routine and discover what gives your life meaning.
So how can you prevent yourself from getting in the way of your own recovery? How do you prevent ego of addiction from taking you down? The first step is making yourself aware of negative thinking and problem behavior, whether through journaling, self-help support groups, counseling or other means, and taking responsibility for your sobriety. In recovery, you have all kinds of new freedoms, including the ability to turn your inner voice into your biggest supporter. And as the African proverb says, “When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”
For help with addiction treatment please get in touch with Pathways and we will assist you with any questions and queries that you may have + 0044 533 0330
