Depression and recently addiction is often referred to as anger turned inward. Psychoanalysts have long believed that anger towards others gets turned against ourselves. But where does it all start? This article may help with understanding of the origins of depression and addiction, which often, not always, but often are born in childhood.
Our anger converted into self-hatred causes depression. Karen Horney (see Monte, 1980, or any theories of personality book) wrote that the basic problem starts with neurotic parents who are inconsistent (both overindulgent and demanding), lacking in warmth, inconsiderate or openly hostile, or driven by their own needs. The child resents these things. But parents are powerful and a child’s only means of survival. So, because of fear or love or guilt, the child represses the anger. The child, being small, alone, confused, and helpless in an unpredictable, hostile world, is, of course, scared.
How does the child protect itself? The child, aware of his or her weakness, the criticism of others, and his or her own hostility and fears, develops a “despised” self-concept. Also, the resentment of others has been turned against the self: “I am unlovable, a bad person.” At the same time, the child starts to develop a notion of an “ideal” self–what he/she should be–in order to survive and get the love and approval he/she wants. This ideal self, trying to compensate for weakness and guilt, sets up impossible demands, called neurotic needs. These needs are unconscious, intense, insatiable, anxiety-causing, and out of touch with reality. For instance, if one has a neurotic need for affection, it becomes urgent to be loved by everyone, all one’s peers, all the family, teachers, the paper carrier, etc. Horney listed several neurotic needs, primarily needs for perfection, power, independence, and affection. All are attempts to handle the primitive hostility from childhood. Depression and addiction indeed have their origins here. Addiction is often how the adult now tries to protect themselves, keeping he pain away.
So, how do we get Depressed and addicted? In extreme cases, some people become so self-effacing, i.e. compliant, unselfish, and modest; they almost do away with their “self.” Suffering, helplessness, and self sabotage. They need to be loved, liked, approved, important, but taken care of. Their “solution” is: “If you love me, you will not hurt me.” This however is a cognitive distortion. It is unreal thinking. But beneath this saintly, goody-goody surface sometimes boils the old anger, rage, and strong urges to be aggressive and mean. So love ends up never running smoothly for long (remember everyone must love them), so these kinds of crestfallen people may turn against themselves, becoming very self-critical and unhappy, or addicted to substances or other compulsions. Often they have also become bitter because the unwritten agreement was broken, namely, “I’ll be nice and not hate you, if you will love, respect, and care for me always.” People striving for this kind of distorted thinking end up in a lot of unnecessary pain. They often suffer because others will not always put them first. This is where the ugly head of codependency rears itself. It is not possible for others to do so all the time. So the inevitable happens.
This along with many other reasons underlie addiction in whatever form it may manifest itself. You need the right professionals, with the right experience looking into these things. This is where Pathways can help. An alcoholic uses the formula of alcohol as an elixir to attempt to treat his or her problems and or conditions. The drug, sex and love, gambler or dual diagnosis patient does the same with their compulsions too. For help with these and more, contact info@pathwaysplettrehab.co.za, or call +2744 533 0330. Addiction can be treated.