Addiction recovery and grandiosity


Grandiosity is a false sense of superiority, an inflated sense of self-worth and importance. Grandiosity must be deflated before we can put our self-esteem into a perspective that acknowledges the importance and worth of those around us. Addiction recovery and grandiosity are second to resentments only when it comes to reasons for relapse.

We are being grandiose when we magnify otherwise minor issues and emotions to gigantic proportions.  When this happens, feelings of grandiosity take charge and warp our thinking.  We see our concerns as more important than those of others; we are convinced that our opinions are superior and that we can do no wrong.  We feel omnipotent, but we may not realize that we are trying to do the impossible – play God. Although we may be unaware of our grandiosity, it’s obvious to others.  To those around us, we may appear arrogant, impatient, determined, selfish, aggressive, opinionated and inconsiderate. Grandiosity is as important to understand as gratitude and humility, but it’s often overlooked.  Perhaps if it had been termed ‘stubbornness’ or ‘pigheadedness’ it would get more attention.  What’s important to remember is that, for some, grandiosity can be as great a threat to recovery and serenity as resentment and anger.  If we feel we can do no wrong and have anything we want, we are more likely to convince ourselves that we can use chemicals responsibly.  This complacency can motivate us to take that first drink, pill, or other drug that leads to a relapse.

Grandiose ideas are quite easy to acquire.  Addiction recovery and grandiosity always go together, because without losing the grandiosity we wont recover. End of story! We live in a society that values material gain and success. Magazines, newspapers and television encourage us to believe that we all deserve the best things in life.  Clothes, travel, automobiles, jewellery, big houses and fine food are often portrayed as the obvious reward for the brightest and best of us.  We teach at our drug rehab centre that drinking and other drug use often heighten our fantasies of importance and success and are far from what the sober life is about.

Addiction recovery and grandiosity

The nature of Addiction recovery and grandiosity

Grandiosity shows itself in many ways.  A primary characteristic of grandiosity is emotional immaturity, the inability to grow up and the refusal to forget the selfish joys of childhood.  A popular expression among people in recovery is “The first thirty-five years of my childhood nearly killed me”. This idea of ‘His Majesty, the Baby’ was first introduced by psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud.  He said that an infant is like a monarch in three ways: Both know they can get what they want by loud behaviour; both have a low tolerance for frustration; and both do everything in a hurry.  Grandiose feelings not only encourage us to relive this babyish tyranny but often cause us to stubbornly and arrogantly refuse to admit our childishness.

Addiction recovery and grandiosity issues are laden with self-centredness. To the grandiose person, pleasure comes first, and every success adds to this selfishness.  When we were using, some of us developed ingenious ways of keeping others from discovering our hidden bottles or drugs or cleverly concealed the amount of chemicals we were consuming.  Some of us were even proud of how well we ‘concealed’ our chemical use and our desperation and expounding illness.  Because we were so wrapped up in ourselves, it may not have occurred to us that others weren’t always fooled. When we suffer Addiction recovery and grandiosity, even knowing we are being watched can be an ego-builder; it’s proof of our importance to others.  We tend to isolate sub-consciously and end up quite alone. When others become too ‘needling’ or ‘abusive’ about our chemical use, we may believe they are ‘false friends’, whose lack of love we can do without.  We tell ourselves, Who needs their affection anyway? I’m my own person and I’m doing okay.  Thus when family and friends, or even doctors and therapists, give up and consider us a lost cause, we feel our superiority has been proven.

Grandiosity includes the feeling of being unique that often consumes those of us who are chemically dependent.  We may feel sorry for those who lead dull, poor and boring lives: Me? Sober up? Leave my glamorous life to become a carbon copy of those sad people?  Or we may perceive our lives and our particular set of problems as different, and perhaps worse, that the problems of those around us.  We then feel that others can’t help us because they can’t possibly understand our ‘unique’ situation. Now, do you sometimes feel better than?

And, so Addiction recovery and grandiosity issues lead to rationalising.  It supplies the conscious mind with answers to every appeal to quit using chemicals – ready excuses, alibis, cop-outs, loopholes and denials.  This narrow-minded way of thinking is the hallmark of grandiosity.  It can lead us to refuse to accept that we cannot control our use of chemicals, that we’re powerless over alcohol, or that our lives are unmanageable.  When we feel omnipotent, how can we concede that a Power greater than ourselves exists, that our thinking is insane, or that our lives should be turned over to a Higher Power of any kind? 

Addiction recovery and grandiosity does not usually provoke angry rebellion against the suggestion that we give up our old lifestyles, the superiority and chemicals; rather, it leads us to a quiet but stubborn refusal to take advice. We hold onto control as tightly as ever – even though we may know historically the way we do things doesn’t work. We may assume a superior attitude and see would-be helpers as inexperienced, ignorant, misguided do-gooders.  We tell ourselves, I’m okay; others are much worse than I am. A superior attitude blinds us to the reality of who we are and blocks us from reaching out for the help we need.

For more on Addiction recovery and grandiosity or to do our Addiction Treatment programs in our centre or online, get in touch.

Shame and addiction treatment

What is shame?

Shame is that burning in our faces when we think those around us have finally figured out how worthless we are.  Shame and addiction treatment go hand in hand and little more than the big five bring people into our addiction treatment programs: shame, resentment, grandiosity, selfishness and victim -mentality. When it comes to shame we think we’re inadequate or worthless.  It’s when we hate to look anyone in the eye; when time seems to crawl and we wish we could disappear.  It makes us feel hopeless, helpless and empty.  Someone has seen our real self and we’re sure they’re disgusted.

In families where there’s much shame, people are busy struggling to survive emotionally.  They have little energy left to support or nurture others.  When someone expresses a need, the others resent it. They fear there are not enough emotions to go around and they will somehow be cheated. Shame and addiction treatment soon become allies if emotional wounds are left unchecked.

We all have basis needs including food, water, shelter, touch, attention, and sleep.  When any of our needs is repeatedly paired with a shaming experience we become shame-based. Each time we have one of these needs we feel shame.  For example, people with eating disorders have been shamed for needing food.  “You’re eating again,” someone says.  “You’re a pig. How can anyone love you when you look like that? You make me sick.”  A compulsive cycle has been set up.  Each time the person needs food shame he will think of food.  Once we’ve become shame-based the shame is self-triggering.  Each time someone pays attention to us, even in a positive way, we feel ashamed.

Shame and addiction treatment steps

What is it about the Twelve Steps that brings people relief from these kinds of problems?  The power of the Steps comes from addressing the dynamics of shame, which is at the core of many compulsive behaviours.  Addicts, however, don’t have an exclusive claim on shame.  Everybody has shame, but we addicts have more than our fair share.  Many of us were once children in addictive families, where rules supported and even encouraged addictive behaviour.  The addiction can be to alcohol, other drugs, food, or to sex, or other compulsive behaviours; regardless, addictive families are shame-based families.

This means rules are reinforced in a shaming manner.  Shame and addiction treatment work means breaking the bonds of these reinforcements. When we broke the rules we were shamed.  Rather than being told we did a bad thing, we were told we were a bad person.  “You’re nothing but a milk spiller.  You always spill your milk.  Nobody can love a milk spiller.  You should be ashamed of yourself.”  The child has been labelled a milk spiller and told she is unlovable.  In this situation, there’s no way to redeem herself since she “always” spills her milk.  Even after she cleans up the milk she’ll still think of herself as a milk spiller.  Finally, the parent pours the child half a glass of milk, reminding her that she is a milk spiller and can’t be trusted with a full glass.

Shame and addiction treatment

Years go by and the child becomes an adult.  But still she subconsciously thinks of herself as a milk spiller.  If she has children, she will likely pour them half a glass of milk since, no doubt, they will be milk spillers too.  If this sounds familiar, then you know what shame is.  

What Twelve Step groups teach about Shame and addiction treatment is to is help us change our shame-based identity into a guilt-based identity.  That’s right, guilt.  Remember, guilt has gotten a bad name, because people have confused it with shame.  Guilt is the emotion that helps us learn, and stay within, our value system.  If we do something bad, it’s proper, even desirable, to feel guilty.  When I behave in a way that violates one of my values I feel guilty.  That motivates me to seek the person harmed and make amends.  Then my guilt goes away, because it’s no longer needed.  (If we feel bad or can’t seem to forgive ourselves long after we’ve made amends, chances are we aren’t feeling guilty; more likely it’s shame.)

Guilt also prevents people from behaving in ways that trigger more guilt.  I know if I do certain things I’ll feel guilty.  And since I don’t want to feel guilty I’ll more than likely avoid that behaviour. For more information about Shame and addiction treatment and one of the best addiction treatment programs in the world email

Sex and Love Addiction Treatment

Sex and Love Addiction Treatment is not what many people every talk about. Dysfunctional sex lives and lives where sex and possibly even most of our relationships are as bad for us as any drug is. Hyper sexual activity in many personality disorders is seldom talked about. People who stop drinking or drugging may often turn to sex as a therapeutic means to avoid their feelings and act out on their rage. Sex and Love Addiction Treatment for the majority of folks is all about understanding what we do with our sexuality and how it is intricately linked to our self-esteem and our personalities. If you often find yourself in bad relationships with the opposite sex you may be the common denominator! Check this out with the 10 questions below on 10 Questions to ask yourself about Sex and Love Addiction Treatment that you can ask yourself. You may have to question what you believe about what you need from the relationship. It is not always positive things that we need. Sometimes we need and require negative things from people that hurt us abuse us in the street us. Often times we don’t even know this because it is a subconscious process.

Identifying unhealthy patterns is a good place to start in the process of self enquiry. Not of other people we date or have relationships with, but rather with ourselves. Sometimes we pick abusive or even emotionally unavailable people to have relationships with. This is because these people are safe. We know what they will do and how they will do it. So this leaves no uncertainty that can make us anxious or afraid. Many people are coming to our centre have been in relationships where they have been abused emotionally physically and sexually. The strange part about all of this is that they don’t do it once. There is normally a pattern involved. A damaging one too. They do this to themselves over and over again and create drama and disaster in these relationships. Until they start working on themselves and develop a good understanding of what they do and why they do it they will not get well. Codependence sex and love addiction are all signs of an unhealthy relationship that we have with ourselves. It is not about other people. It is not about people who are in relationships with. It is about how we treat ourselves and allow others to treat us.

Sex and love addiction is not something that is reserved for a few of the perverted in our culture. On the contrary it is normal people who suffer this affliction who are looking for love and affection in all the wrong ways and places. We can seek love affiliation and affection in positive ways or negative ways. Some people are addicted to drugs and alcohol and others to relationships. Codependence can be as damaging as any other drug. Let’s look into how we go about treating sex and love addiction.

About Sex and Love Addiction Treatment

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition-oriented fellowship based on the model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous.

The only qualification for Sex and Love Addiction Treatment is a desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction and cross addiction.  S.L.A.A. is supported entirely through contributions of its membership, and is free to all who need it.

To counter the destructive consequences of Sex and Love Addiction Treatment we draw on five major resources:

  1. Sobriety:  Our willingness to stop acting out in our own personal bottom-line addictive behaviour on a daily basis.
  2. Sponsorship/Meetings:  Our capacity to reach out for the supportive fellowship within S.L.A.A. 
  3. Steps:  Our practise of the Twelve Step programme of recovery to achieve sexual and emotional sobriety.
  4. Service:  Our giving back to the S.L.A.A. community what we continue to freely receive.
  5. Spirituality:  Our developing a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves which can guide and sustain us in recovery.

As a fellowship concenred with Sex and Love Addiction Treatment it has no opinion on outside issues and seeks no controversy.  S.L.A.A. is not affiliated with any other organisations, movements or causes, either religious or secular.

We are, however, united in a common focus: dealing with our addictive sexual and emotional behaviour.  We find a common denominator in our obsessive/compulsive patterns which renders any personal differences of sexual or gender orientation irrelevant.

We need protect with special care the anonymity of every S.L.A.A. member.  Additionally, we try to avoid drawing undue attention to S.L.A.A. as a whole from the public media.

The following questions are designed to be used as guidelines to identifying possible signposts of sex and love addiction.  They are not intended to provide a sure-fire method of diagnosis, nor can negative answers due to these questions provide absolute assurance that illness is not present.  Many sex and love addicts have varying patterns which can result in very different ways of approaching and answering these questions.  Despite this fact, we have found that short, to-the-point questions have often provided as effective a tool for self-diagnosis as have lengthy explanations of what sex and love addiction is.  We appreciate that the diagnosis of sex and love addiction is a matter that needs to be both very serious and very private.  We hope that these questions will prove helpful.

Sex and Love Addiction Treatment

10 Questions to ask yourself about Sex and Love Addiction Treatment and 40 more questions

  1. Have you ever tried to control how much sex to have or how often you would see someone?
  1. Do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though you know that seeing this person is destructive to you?
  1. Do you feel that you don’t want anyone to know about your sexual or romantic activities?  Do you feel you need to hide these activities from others – friends, family, co-workers, counsellors etc?
  1. Do you get “high” from sex and or romance?  Do you crash?
  1. Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, and/or with inappropriate people?
  1. Do you make promises to yourself or rules for yourself concerning your sexual or romantic behaviour that you find you can not follow?
  1. Have you had or do you have sex with someone you don’t (didn’t) want to have sex with?
  1. Do you believe that sex and or a relationship will make your life bearable?
  1. Have you ever felt like you had to have sex?

10. Do you believe that someone can “fix” you?

Sex and Love Addiction Treatment

Here are another 40 questions about Sex and Love Addiction Treatment that you can take now for self diagnosis. Get in touch and join our mailing list for future updates.

Modern Luxury Drug Rehab


We provide a non-clinical environment with the top, registered addiction recovery experts in the field at our Modern Luxury Drug Rehab. No loss of privacy. No big crowds. Just transformational recovery at the highest international levels.

If you or your loved one have tried drug rehab centres before with no success, maybe it is time to start our world class Addiction Treatment Center Program that is holistic to the core. We are well known around the world after 10 years of development, and the unprecedented results we have created a one of a kind, luxury healing space. The environment is profoundly personal.

  • No Pressure. No Stress. Just profound personal transformation.
  • Pathways is one of the only Addiction Treatment Center Program’s in the country where you can still be yourself, finding yourself, in a comfortable and homely setting, far from clinical.
  • Welcome to the next level of your transformation.
  • Improve my mental mindset and my emotional well-being.
  • Maximize my health and recovery
  • Advance my career goals and objectives
  • Heal from depression, anxiety and addictions
  • Increase my productivity
  • Enhance my life direction
  • Find my life purpose, meaning, mindfulness

Our program is well known as having a significant, long term impact on many people from across the globe. Since our inception, data shows Pathways Modern Luxury Drug Rehab offers superior, professional and passionate addiction recovery that works!

Modern Luxury Drug Rehab


A multidisciplinary (MDT) team of registered professionals and doctors underpin our programs. Gym, Hiking, personal mindfulness practitioners and advanced and comprehensive  treatment techniques. Mark L Lockwood (BA)(Hons)(psych) team are well known as the best in the country for their track record to deliver lasting results to clients who both need and demand long term life change.


Surrounded by the Indian Ocean with its sandy white beaches on one side and several Cape Nature game reserves we have the very best of serene nature to offer our clients.

Hiking, Oceans, 7 Nature Reserves, Unspoiled Beaches, The Big 5, Knysna Forests, Boating, Whale Watching, Lagoon workshops, Meditation, Art and all things mindfulness and our own client boat for adventure outings.


Book in and make sure to bring all you want with you in terms of electronic equipment, books, sports gear, personal stationary and so on. Start your recovery today and finally transform your life. You don’t need to stay stuck, regardless of your past!

World Class Modern Luxury Drug Rehab Centre

Our luxury Addiction Treatment Center Program treats underlying disorders , definitely not just the addictions, and has been developed so that people can get connected to the right material, therapy and course work online and start to heal their lives. Many people come stay at the Center in Plettenberg Bay for several weeks or months, others connect from all corners of the world online.

There is no one size fits all approach at our drug rehab centre. We work with what we have, without limitations and have a growing network of people who are achieving massive results from doing the work. From 12 step to non 12 step therapies, DBT, CBT, REBT and 2019’s finest holistic approaches – you get to decide the course you wish to take! Essentially we implement therapy with nature as you’ve never seen it before, but also get to experience a highly modern and cutting edge treatment program that focuses deeply on connecting body, mind, soul, emotions and spirituality.

Enjoy recovery without loosing any of your personal comforts and freedom to make all your own healthy choices in treatment. Ours is not just beach side luxury but a distinctively mature program inviting you to recover through making your life a masterpiece. Don’t settle for a regular recovery experience any less than this! Take radical action, no matter what you are dealing with, and come heal with us.


Most of our work is done at our Modern Luxury Drug Rehab is done by referral, by clients who know what it takes to really implement lasting recovery changes at a high quality level. In a very uncertain time for traditional addiction centre treatment, know that with 30 years plus of professional experience, we know what works and what is sustainable. We offer an intensive program that is time honoured, yet allow our clients the freedom to grow in an environment that suits their particular lifestyle needs.

For more information about our Modern Luxury Drug Rehab call +27824424779 or email

Modern Luxury Drug Rehab

Serenity for Addiction recovery

People develop addictions looking for peace of mind. They want the same things you do. They want a piece of happiness. They want joy and feelings of bliss. They get these things with great ease at first. Their plan of using external things to solve internal problems works for a while. Until it doesn’t. Life has a way of teaching us that things only work one way. You can’t cheat the system. You cant steal happiness for yourself. Like addiction, that would be selfish. Serenity for Addiction recovery only comes when we begin to realise all of this. When we see that the world doesn’t revolve around only us and that happiness comes from sharing beautiful experiences with others. Let us be honest. Addicts have very little to no serenity in active addiction. The very thing they are using for is missing and they are utterly missing the point. So, a waking up is required. A recovery of sorts from a selfish ideology that centeres around stealing personal bliss for yourself.

Most people who embark on a journey of recovery from addictions discover the Serenity prayer early on in their walk towards healing through a meeting, or a drug rehab centre or perhaps through others who will help them recover. They recite the words and soon enough their lives start to change. Much like a slow motion miracle. Within that prayer are some magical things. The selfishness and ego-fueled, pride filled life turns on its head when you ask for help. God, grant me serenity. They don’t realise at first the power fo humility as it replaces their arrogance. They don’t realize acceptance that they are asking for is the answer to almost all of life’s problems and that courage is what they were lacking to walk through life victoriously. They find no Serenity for Addiction recovery in a few short sentences.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference.

The first line says it all. You are speaking to God. Whatever perception you have of God is not important here. What is deeply profound is that you are communicating and calling upon something that is other than you, other than your ego.  Developing faith in recovery makes all the difference. You need to know that you will recover. You need to know that your life will have meaning and joy and peace. You don’t need to accept a religious ideology in recovery. Faith, assurance or conviction, whatever you want to call it is essential to your recovery. You cannot see faith now. It supposes belief. Believe in yourself and your recovery and manifest your purpose.

Serenity Means Developing Equanimity Carl Yung once suggested that Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity (self-control). 

When Addicts Kill Families

Developing Faith in Recovery Developing faith in recovery does not mean that the individual is expected to adopt any particular religious ideas. It is referring to confidence in the idea that when people do the right things it will mean the right things will happen to them. There will be a great deal in life that the individual has no control over, but the fact that they are now trying to live a better life should mean that their life will get better. It is only by developing this faith in recovery that the individual is able to begin developing some serenity.

The Serenity Prayer Empowers is not only about acceptance but also about empowerment. It reminds the individual that there are many things that they will be able to change, and that they should take action when such actions will improve their life. The prayer redirects the individual’s energies away from things out of their control and towards those things that they can control.

Increased Contact with the Spiritual Many people do view recovery as a spiritual path. This prayer reminds them that they are not taking this journey alone – they can rely on a higher force if they just have faith. When the individual hands over those things that are beyond them to a higher power it lightens their load significantly. This means that they can go forward with their journey feeling supported. The individual may not have the strength to overcome every obstacle in life, but their higher power will have this strength.

Serenity Power and Positive Thinking It suggests that the individual can have a positive impact on their future. There is a great deal of evidence to suggest that thinking positively puts the individual in a position where they are more likely to find success in life. Negative thinking (also known as stinking thinking) should be avoided in recovery because it can easily lead to relapse.

Serenity Prayer and Humility Saint Augustine advised: Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility. In order for people to find success in recovery it is vital that they develop some humility. This means that they have developed the ability to accept their own limitations and weaknesses. Humility is the opposite of arrogance. The individual makes the amazing discovery that by accepting their own weaknesses they become stronger. This is because when people are arrogant they are unable to learn anything new, and they regularly end up out of their depth because they have overestimated their abilities. There is nothing wrong with admitting weakness – in reality it is the key to success.

For more information on Serenity for Addiction recovery or our addiction treatment program get in touch.

15 things to give up in addiction recovery

Giving Things Up in Recovery That stand in your way.

It could be said that addiction recovery is all about giving things up. These 15 things to give up in addiction recovery could change your entire experience at a drug rehab centre. You stand about a 6% chance of staying clean after one month of inpatient addiction treatment. That’s not good at all. Addiction is a tough, brutal business. Being a brain disease, means that addiction can make you illogical, non-sensicle and downright insane at times. The ego defences use anger, dishonesty, blame, grandiosity and avoidance on a level that may just surpass most other brain diseases. So recovery means using a system of thinking other than the one you have inside your head. If you don’t like being told what to do, like your own way, don’t like taking orders, dislike people in authority and are moody and angry when challenged, you’re going to have a tough time beating the statistics. What we suggest? Let the hell go. Get into the passenger seat and follow proven suggestions, techniques and programs. Avoiding change and pain is subconscious. So be aware. The 15 things to give up in addiction recovery can literally change the odds stacked against you. Let go, surrender and you will be half way there.

The most important thing that the individual gives up is alcohol or drugs. Then their grandiosity, false pride, ego and general way of trying to live their lives that we know in reality is actually always going to be unmanageable. Until they take that step there cannot be any further progress. This giving up of addiction is only the start, because the individual will be expected to give up much more if they hope to find real happiness in life. The reason why the individual turned to alcohol or drugs in the first place was because of things that were making their life uncomfortable. These 15 things to give up in addiction recovery are likely to be still there when they enter recovery so they need to work hard at eradicating.

The 15 things that people should consider giving up in recovery include:

The Need to Always Be Right One of the most important ways that humans learn is by making mistakes. Those who refuse to acknowledge their mistakes will struggle to learn. The reason why people can become obsessed with being right is that they have allowed beliefs and opinions to be too closely connected to self-esteem. Humans are fallible creatures and they are allowed to be wrong. Those individuals who do not have the humility to accept this will find it hard to grow in recovery.

The Need to Control Things One of the most important elements of the 12 Step program is that it teaches people to let go – in fact this is what almost all spiritual paths teach. When people put their trust in the universe it will make their life easier and lead them to happiness. This is summed up in the Serenity prayer.

Blaming Other People The individual has to take responsibility for their own life. Constantly blaming other people will not lead to any type of progress. It is just an excuse to avoid taking action. Are you avoiding taking action? Do you work your recovery? Are you open to learning new things or are you avoiding growth because you are fearful about other things?

Listening to Negative Self Talk People have an internal dialogue that can have an influence on how they perceive the world and their place in it. Those individuals who have low self esteem may have an inner self talk that is constantly negative and critical about things. This inner voice is always telling the individual that they are no good or not worthy of happiness. It is vital to ignore this negativity and instead move towards more positive self-talk and affirmations. There are often two voices, or sets of dialogue in our heads. The voice who wins the conversation is the one who makes it past your lips most often. Listen to what you say, choose your words carefully. Change your inner dialogue.

Listening to Self Limiting Beliefs If people are willing to settle for the bare minimum in recovery the chances are that this is what they will end up with. This is one of the more important of the 15 things to give up in addiction recovery. People are limited by how they view their own potential. What are you putting into your recovery? Are you expecting others to do the work for you?

Complaining About Life There is the famous saying, if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Too much complaining is dangerous for people in recovery because it can easily lead to stinking thinking. Instead of focusing on what is wrong with the world the individual should put their attention on making the most of things. Is nothing good enough?

Being a Critic It is easy to criticize but it is a luxury that people in recovery cannot really afford. Each human is doing the best they can, and the best advice is for people to focus on doing the best they can. Do you constantly criticize others? Is nothing ever good enough?

Trying to Impress Other People The truth is that humans are attracted to humans for who they are and not who they are pretending to be. Those who pretend to be something they are not will usually sound insincere or be perceived as a fake. The only thing that the individual needs to do to impress other people is for them to be themselves. We try and be capable when maybe we should sit with learning how to be capable first. Slow down.

Fighting Change Change is an unstoppable force in the universe, and to fight against it will usually lead to suffering. Humans tend to feel threatened by change, but when they embrace it they will find that it makes life a whole lot more interesting. Do you resist change?

Labeling Out of Ignorance People tend to feel more comfortable when they can put a label on things. The problem is that this can lead to dismissing things out of hand or judging things unfairly. There can be a kneejerk temptation for the individual to label everything they do not understand as bad or threatening.

Being Afraid of Life Fear only exists in the mind. Each individual has the choice of giving up their fears. When they are able to do this it increases their freedom. Fear makes us avoidant. We don’t work, socialize or talk up. Also, we DON’T GET HONEST!

Always Having an Excuse Excuses are worthless because they give the individual a justification to not do the right thing. I can’t call because this, or I can’t get started because of that. In order to progress in recovery the individual will need to do what is required – no excuses.

Obsessing About the Past Bill Keane famously said: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present. What’s done is done. You cannot go backwards (back to childhood, or school, or even your first rehab). You must move forwards. It is life on life’s terms.

Attachment to Certain Conditions The Buddha advised his followers that they should free themselves from attachment – there is no need to be a Buddhist in order to benefit from this advice. Recovery is all about developing emotional sobriety and serenity. This means that the individual develops an inner tranquility that is not dependent on external conditions, your living arrangements, your peers, your current circumstances. By giving up their attachment on things being a certain way the individual is able to enjoy peace no matter what is happening in their life. I will only get well if they do this, or my recovery can only develop if they do that for me.

Living Life to Please Other People William Shakespeare advised: To thine own self be true. This encourages people to live their life in accord with their own values and beliefs. The problem with trying to please other people all the time is that in the end nobody is happy. The individual is trying to be something they’re not and this will cause them to become resentful and unhappy.

“If you’re having trouble believing in a Power Greater than yourself —

Just try believing in a Power Other than yourself!”

For more information on 15 things to give up in addiction recovery, or addiction treatment that is beyond anything else in Africa call +27824424779 or email

Childhood trauma leads to love addiction


I have come to believe that people fall into love addiction because of the unhealed pain from childhood abandonment, and the feeling that they cannot be safe in the world without having somebody else hold them up.  Knowing how Childhood trauma leads to love addiction can help you to regain a healthy sense of self-love, and in turn, love for others. They cling to a delusional belief that the other party has the power to take care of them, affirm them and somehow make them complete.  They keep trying to get the Avoidance Addict to match their unrealistic mental image and this insistence creates a great deal of the toxicity between the two of them. Childhood trauma leads to love addiction. There is no doubt about it. We crave to fill voids, holes, emotional abyss’s that we never had filled as a child. We tend to look for love in all the wrong places when it was given to us in unhealthy ways. That’s the math of love addiction.

Love Addicts usually didn’t have enough appropriate bonding with their caregivers, and probably experienced serious abandonment (or sense of abandonment) in childhood.  That’s why Childhood trauma leads to love addiction. Young children feel loved to the extent that somebody takes care of them.  Caring transmits the message “You’re important, you matter and you are loved.”  I believe that when children do not get enough connection and nurture from a parent, they experience serious difficulty with self-esteem.

Childhood trauma leads to love addiction

Love Addicts usually experienced much deep pain and sadness and an acute sense of loss during childhood, because a part of themselves was denied the opportunity to grow properly when their caregivers failed to take care of them.  This pain and sadness I call “the pain of the precious child”.  It goes very deep and back far beyond the earliest conscious memories.

As children, Love Addicts experienced enormous fear because they were helpless to create connection with their caregivers which is why Childhood trauma leads to love addiction.  In counselling they often describe that child-fear as a sense of having a loss of their own breath, as if their air supply had been cut off and they were literally dying.  They also describe being empty because they weren’t filled with nurture by their caregivers.  And because they weren’t nurtured for who they were, they had trouble being or liking their natural selves.  In addition many were angry because their needs went unmet, since there are fleeting moments when such children are conscious of the abuse they are experiencing.

This severe degree of separation in childhood, the original abandonment experience, has an extremely toxic effect on children that extends into adulthood.  The original abandonment experience is particularly filled with pain, fear, anger, shame and emptiness.  Because the children have no place to express these emotions, they store them up inside and fire them off years later when an abandonment experience or the threat of one in adulthood stimulates the accumulated emotions.

Many of these children have had a limited or brief connection from the pain, fear, anger and emptiness of the abandonment.  This may only intensify the problem however, because it teaches them that it is the process of getting connected with someone that brings relief from the anguish.

Even as children, Love Addicts long to get connected, to belong to someone, to finally feel safe by bonding with people who (they think) will fill their gaping emptiness and banish their feelings of inadequacy.  They seek The Person who will relieve the stress of the original abandonment experience.  As adults, almost any other person will do: a lover, a parent, a friend, their own children, a counsellor, a minister.  If the other party isn’t powerful, it doesn’t matter. The Love Addict will invest this person with enough imaginary power and unconditional love to make the Love Addict whole and deliriously happy.

Form more information on Childhood trauma leads to love addiction or to heal depression addictions or anxiety and dual diagnosis in a new unique way, call us about the Pathways Addiction Treatment Program. So, so different, in every single way.

Eliminating a Self Pity relapse over the Holidays

This emotion is so ugly that no one in his or her right mind wants to admit feeling it. Even when sober, many of us remain clever at hiding from ourselves the fact that we are astew in a mess of self-pity. We do not like at all being told that it shows, and we are sharp at arguing that we are experiencing some other emotion—not that loathsome poor-me-ism. Or we can, in a second, find a baker’s dozen of perfectly legitimate reasons for feeling somewhat sorry for ourselves.

Hanging over us long after detoxification is the comfortably familiar feeling of suffering. Self-pity is an enticing swamp. Sinking into it takes so much less effort than hope, or faith, or just plain moving.

Alcoholics are not unique in this. Everyone who can recall a childhood pain or illness can probably remember, too, the relief of crying over how bad we felt, and the somewhat perverse satisfaction of rejecting all comforting. Almost any human being, at times, can deeply empathize with the childish whine of “Leave me alone!”

It’s A Mindset That Drives The Cycle

One form self-pity takes in some of us when we first get sober is: “Poor me! Why can’t I drink like everybody else?” (Everybody?) “Why does this have to happen to me? Why do have to be an alcoholic? Why me?” Eliminating a Self Pity relapse over the Holidays means we need to start seeing the apples for the trees.

Such thinking is a great ticket to a barroom, but that’s about all. Crying over that unanswerable question is like weeping because we were born in this era, not another, or on this planet, rather than in some other galaxy.

Of course, it isn’t just “me” at all, we discover when we begin to meet recovered alcoholics from all over the world.

It’s not an acknowledgment or ownership but fuel for the next sip with the self pity. 

Stinking Thinking

Later on, we realize we have begun to make our peace with that question. When we really hit our stride in an enjoyable recovery, we may either find an answer or simply lose interest in the search. You’ll know when that happens to you. Many of us believe we have figured out the likely reasons for our own alcoholism. But even if we haven’t, there remains the much more important need to accept the fact that we cannot drink, and to act on it. Sitting in our own pool of tears is not a very effective action.

Some people show real zeal for pressing salt into their own wounds. A ferocious proficiency at that useless game often survives from our drinking days. Eliminating a Self Pity relapse over the Holidays means you pour the salt onto the turkey, not your own wounds.

We can also display a weird flair for expanding a minor annoyance into a whole universe of gloom. When the mail brings a whopping telephone bill—just one—we bemoan our constantly being in debt, and declare it will never, never end. When a soufflé falls, we say it proves that we never could and never will do anything right. When the new car arrives, we say to somebody, “With my luck, it’ll be a …”

If you finished that statement with the name of a sour citrus, you’re in our club.

It’s as if we carried on our back a large duffel bag stuffed with unpleasant memories, such as childhood hurts and rejections. Twenty, even forty years later, there occurs a small setback only slightly similar to an old one in the bag. That is our cue to sit down, unshoulder the bag, and pull out and lovingly caress, one at a time, every old hurt and putdown of the past. With total emotional recall, we then relive each of them vividly, flushing with shame at childhood embarrassments, grinding our teeth on old angers, rewording old quarrels, shivering with nearly forgotten fear, or maybe blinking away a tear or two over a long gone disappointment in love.

Eliminating a Self Pity relapse over the Holidays

Those are fairly extreme cases of unadulterated self-pity, but not beyond recognition by anybody who has ever had, seen, or wanted to go on a crying jag. Its essence is total self-absorption. We can get so stridently concerned about me-me-me that we lose touch with virtually everyone else. It’s not easy to put up with anyone who acts that way, except a sick infant. So when we get into the poor-me bog, we try to hide it, particularly from ourselves. But that’s no way to get out of it.

Instead, in Eliminating a Self Pity relapse over the Holidays, we need to pull out of our self-absorption, stand back, and take a good, honest look at ourselves. Once we recognize self-pity for what it is, we can start to do something about it other than drink.

Friends can be a great help if they’re close enough that we can talk openly with each other. They can hear the false note in our song of sorrow and call us on it. Or we ourselves may hear it; we begin to get our true feelings sorted out by the simple means of expressing them aloud.

Poor me, pour me a drink….until you remember all the other alcoholics in the world, and then the game is up. 

The truth will set us free

Another excellent weapon is humor. Some of the biggest belly laughs at AA meetings erupt when a member describes his or her own latest orgy of self-pity, and we listeners find ourselves looking into a fun-house mirror. There we are—grown men and women tangled up in the emotional diaper of an infant. It may be a shock, but the shared laughter takes a lot of the pain out of it, and the final effect is salutary.

When we catch self-pity starting, we also can take action against it with instant bookkeeping. For every entry of misery on the debit side, we find a blessing we can mark on the credit side. What health we have, what illnesses we don’t have, what friends we have loved, the sunny weather, a good meal a-coming, limbs intact, kindnesses shown and received, a sober 24 hours, a good hour’s work, a good book to read, and many other items can be totalled up to outbalance the debit entries that cause self-pity.

We can use the same method to combat the holiday blues, which are sung not only by alcoholics. Christmas and New Year’s, birthdays, and anniversaries throw many other people into the morass of self-pity. In A.A., we can learn to recognize the old inclination to concentrate on nostalgic sadness, or to keep up a litany of who is gone, who neglects us now, and how little we can give in comparison to rich people. Instead, we add up the other side of the ledger, in gratitude for health, for loved ones who are around, and for our ability to give love, now that we live in sobriety. And again, the balance comes out on the credit side.

Ending Self Pity

Self-pity is a counterfeit coping mechanism that the enemy offers to the wounded and broken to deal with pain. What can begin as genuine grieving and confession can become a lifestyle of negativity and hopelessness. Under the work of self-pity, you become chained to hopelessness. You will become persuaded that you have no hope of improving or getting free.

Self-pity is the process of turning an emotion, that is meant to bring emotional intimacy with others, inward; thereby blocking our ability to emotionally connect with God and others. Self-pity is driven by a desire for emotional intimacy. ~ Cindy Nichols

A person under self-pity does not completely quit in life. He or she just quits trying to move forward or attempt to make any dynamic change.

It teaches you to believe that “no one cares for you.” Therefore, you need to have pity for yourself. The hope is that if they pity themselves, then people will notice and get the message that they need to care for them. But it is a trap! This misdirected focus never satisfies.

For more information on Eliminating a Self Pity relapse over the Holidays or addiction treatment help, call us on +27824424779 or email

How to stop suffering your addictions

How to stop suffering your addictions takes a profound look at what we need to do to start healing ourselves at the deepest possible level. When we stop thinking of our past traumas in life as unfair deal, and addictions as a death sentence, we can learn how to transcend our own suffering and turn it into something remarkable and worthwhile #addiction #recovery #addictiontreatment #sobriety

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both… Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back…. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less travelled by, And that has made all the difference.

We have all suffered. All human beings are subject to trauma and emotional suffering. Even if we receive this suffering from our own parents. But we can be guaranteed of suffering in life, either way we look at it. Having treated addictions for so many years, one thing you get to know is that suffering seems contagious. It seems to have a life of it’s own. Suffering seems to find more suffering. If we experience death in the family as a child, we can grow up far more prone to depression and addiction than other people. Life has already had its way with us. But at some stage all the suffering in the world cannot defeat the human spirit. At some stage, people get their act together and learn How to stop suffering your addictions. Their resilience always amazes me. They get their acts together. They heal and grow into stronger, more stable beings than they were beforehand. Then something magical happens.

It is people who have suffered themselves and then healed themselves that treat other people with huge dollops of kindness. They somehow, without really even knowing it perhaps, ease other peoples suffering. They are gentle and kind. They show love and care for others and know first hand, how hectic and harsh the universe can be. So they have learned to tread lightly and be softer, through the hard times. Most older people have a softness to them. That’s often why the children in the family are drawn to the older folks, the grannies and grandpas, with whom they choose to spend most of their time. Suffering and love are great teachers. Suffering gets us out of addictions far more often tan love does. We seem to ignore love. We turn our backs on it.

But suffering has a way of being relentless with us. It can shift us out of comfort, fear and stuckness in a split second. It can flip our lives on its head in a moment. So if you have endured great suffering I ask you today, to start to get it together. Start making progress by working on yourself. Set goals. Envision dreams. Be a light-worker in a world that is suffering just like you have. It needs you, as much as you need it. Connection is the cure for addictions. No, I do not use the word cure lightly. All things are possible and nothing lasts forever – not even your suffering! God bless you and Namaste. Mark L Lockwood, Recovery Magic. Ultimate, modern addiction, depression and anxiety recovery resources for people wanting to transform their lives, heal, enrich and grow.

How to stop suffering your addictions

Providing unique and advanced options and alternatives to depression clinics, drug rehab centres and other places that may not suit an individuals needs to grow, develop and heal holistically from whatever is holding them back from improving their personal lives. Residential stays at our center through to state of the art personal development systems, that help people recover, heal, renew and grow in the long term. Boost, exceed, inspire and create your best life in the manner which suits your personal preferences best.

For more help with How to stop suffering your addictions call 0824424779 or email


Change in addiction recovery usually happens in stages. What stage of change do you currently feel you are at:

  • precontemplation – no intention of changing behaviour. 
  • contemplation – aware a problem exists, no commitment to action. 
  • Preparation – intent on taking action. 
  • action – active modification of behaviour. 
  • maintenance – sustained change. New behaviour replaces old. 
  • termination – in a relapse cycle. 

Change in addiction recovery is difficult! Doing half a change does nothing. A total life change is needed. There are so many different viewpoints and conflicting ideas on the subject of drug and alcohol addiction and addiction treatment in general that it is no wonder why the subject contains a fair degree of confusion and misinformation. And to exacerbate this condition, addiction and addiction recovery works differently for different people. Even though Change in addiction recovery might appear to be basically the same affliction for those who are affected by it, the truth is that each individual person is affected by this problem very differently from the next. So it could be logical then that each person is going to need different levels of care and health in overcoming their own addiction habits.

“We know that permanent sobriety can be attained only by a most revolutionary change in the life and outlook of the individual.”

-Bill W.

Researchers have concluded that people who suffer from alcoholism or drug addiction need to make changes in their lifestyle, often-dramatic ones, in order to succeed in their recovery. Living in the same place doing the same things, seeing the same people, and thinking the same as we did when the addiction ruled our lives can be what brings on a relapse. This brings up fear and so many are unwilling to face their fears and make changes, and unfortunately remain trapped in the cycle of addiction. Addiction recovery is a matter of constant growth and constant pursuit of a better way of living. If recovering individuals embrace this, they can make a complete change in their lives for the better.

There are many circumstances that motivate people to admit that their drug and alcohol use has become a problem and then find the willingness to seek help. For some, however, even in the face of dire consequences, there is a tendency to remain in denial about the magnitude of their addiction. Other people may become aware of a problem, but find it difficult to take the necessary steps to seek help and enter into Change in addiction recovery. Then, there are those who are able to identify the need for a change and are ready and able to take the necessary steps to find and maintain support.

In 1977, James Prochaska and Carlo Di Clemente developed the Stages of Change model, which assesses an individual’s readiness to enter into recovery, and provides strategies, or processes of Change in addiction recovery that guide the individual into taking action. The Stages of Change model is useful in helping treatment professionals and family members better understand an addict’s motivation for recovery.

What you really, really really need to know is that addiction treatment and Change in addiction recovery is a long process. The first stage of it is 90 days. The second stage goes up to 12 months, where you can start to feel more secure about recovery. Maintenance stages of recovery only start at 5 years. It is a long process but the sooner you start, the sooner you will be free from a life of egoic, angry chaos and mayhem. You can heal your life. 


Change in addiction recovery

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