Addicted to Ego and Self Will

Addicted to Ego and Self Will

Without surrender you will not fix your unmanageable emotions and thoughts that create unhealthy outcomes for you time after time. Most people have an addictive personality or mask which has certain outstanding traits that can be easily spotted, especially by addiction recovery professionals. Experience lets them know if you’re Addicted to Ego and Self Will. The important thing however is for you to know if you’re Addicted to Ego and Self Will and this blog will help you with that. Read carefully and slowly and remember the mind’s defence mechanisms will often not let you see, comprehend or listen to the truth. It must be done purposefully and over time with the solid intention of healing and recovery or it just ain’t gonna work. Ego is a funny thing and you may find our 15 solutions for Addicted to Ego and Self Will Recovery very poignant.

Obsessed With Control

Let’s jump right into the work that we have researched with hundreds of people through our recovery retreats, events and luxury addiction rehabilitation programs. Why does everything I do always end up in a riot? Is it a problem with self will and ego. Probably. The main player with a self-will run riot is the very notion of “the self”. Thinking you know what’s best for you, thinking you can change external circumstance and control all aspects of your life- these are dangerous thinking patterns that run the riot of your life. Doing what doesn’t work over and over again is addiction and expecting a positive outcome from what doesn’t work is the insanity AA refers to.

We also need to become consciously aware that selfishness is at the root of our troubles. “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, egoic-insanity, we step on the toes of our family and everyone really, and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find out if we look hard enough that at some time in the past, we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt” AA Big Book. You may need to read that again.

Individuals do everything in their power to manipulate the situation to fit their own desires. Maybe feelings aren’t mutual in a romantic relationship, and you try to find a way to make them reciprocated. The self-will run riot is born out of selfishness, and obsession ensues quickly as an attempt to create a structure that in reality doesn’t exist. MY life, MY will, MY future, MY way” are the underlying thinking patterns.

You cannot use the problem to solve the problem. Just like a sick mind cannot heal a sick mind. This is when surrendering to something other than ourselves, and trusting in another with our lives becomes a choice.

Unmask the pain for addiction recovery

Self will run riot sufferers are hesitant to listen or acknowledge their obsession with control, but often it becomes an experience of enlightenment. You get yourself into situations of riot, chaos, argument and crisis on your own. It is not other people – it is your self will.  When we selfishly try to assert our will over others instead of accepting things, we create a sense of inner conflict that continues to drive us deeper and deeper into addiction, isolation and worst of all the same crappy behaviours that hurt ourselves and others. 

Self will run riot sufferers often don’t like the Big Book or AA or eventually any other program. They like the sound of their own voice. Self will run riot sufferers often don’t think they need a Higher Power. Self will run riot sufferers are often anti everything, anti-God, anti-program, anti-psychologists and often anti-everything except finally surrendering their ego ideas of control and getting well. So that is the tall and short of being addicted to Ego and Self Will. Now let us seek some solutions together compiled by Mark L Lockwood for some of the best ways we can possibly manage self will running riot.

15 solutions for Addicted to Ego and Self Will Recovery

  1. AWARENESS – Realising that your extreme behavior causes even more problems in your life is a great start. Start to learn impulse control, humility, learn to listen and ask for help, become aware of your see-will mentality, follow a program like the 12 steps or Paradigm Process 10 steps and not your subconscious program, immediately find your Higher Power. You’re fired as of now as your own higher power! Once you recognize the behavior, you’re able to swallow your pride. Self will run riot sufferers try to control the people and world around us and when our efforts fail, we become resentful, angry, hurt, or disappointed.
  2. DROP THE PERSONA – Get beyond your personality and back to spirituality. People shudder at the idea of surrendering to something greater than themselves-thinking they will lose their identities, their lives, and their desires.  But what actually happens is something pretty amazing-you find freedom. Freedom from yourself, freedom from constantly trying to create a life that doesn’t really exist, and freedom from tension with yourself and those around you.
  3. DO (ACTION) RECOVERY – Until you follow and DO a program of surrender nothing is going to change – nothing has as yet if you’re a sufferer. You need to start on Step 1 and follow the AA program or similar, attend 3 meetings a week or so and continue counselling and therapy for you to start healing your self will issue. The following assignment work is designed to guide you to do The 10 Paradigm Process steps and or AA’s 12 steps and find your Higher Power. No recovery can begin until you actually admit your life is unmanageable because you are powerless to control your emotions; emotions that run riot.  
  4. IT STARTS WITH YOU – “Your troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!”AA Big Book.
  5. ASK – Learn to ask for help. 
  6. LET GO – When you don’t realize how hard you’re trying to control things, it can be challenging to understand why everything is going wrong. Maybe you’re fighting with people a lot and getting into arguments, and you can’t see why the world isn’t on the same page as you. When you let go of control, you realize you were only seeing things from your point of view. When you let go of “the self” you give up pressures that add stress to your life.
  7. SEEK THE TRUTH – Others couldn’t give you what you wanted because what you wanted isn’t a reality- just a manifestation of your internal obsessions. There is an excitement bound with freedom that you will feel when you can learn to let go. Reality is truth and it has nothing to do with addiction, relapse, ego, self will, selfishness and the like. Reality is what is real.
  8. STOP BEING SELFISH – If selfishness is the root of our problems, and it is, the antidote is selflessness. When our sponsors point out that we are acting in self-will or when we recognize that our self-will has run riot, we can turn to Step Three again and again. 
  9. BECOME REBORN TO YOUR HIGHER SELF– Established on Pathway of the Paradigm process we let go of control and rekindle self love. “We become less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.”
  10. PRAY – When we find our traits of being Addicted to Ego and Self Will taking over, the Third Step Prayer can help. and it goes like this. If you don’t like the steps find an alternative but at the end of the day you will just find words that hurt your ego less. Mark suggests that if it is true over here then it must be true over there and the ruth sets us free from ego. Pray like this. “God, I offer myself to Thee To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.  Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy love & Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always.” If prayer is unpopular and you’re addicted; do the unpopular.
  11. RECOGNISE THE PATTERNS We can look for patterns of behaviour. Trying to control is an instinctive reaction. Because it is instinctive, it happens again and again. Becoming aware of our predictable, knee-jerk reactions to certain types of situations will lead us to recognise our preferred means of control- and our intended result. 
  12. TRUST THYSELFWe decide to trust our own feelings and perceptions. Low self-esteem often keeps us from believing that what we feel is okay or that what we perceive is accurate. We feel apologetic about being the way we are, and we try to be the way we think we should be. We can’t identify how we feel because we haven’t given ourselves permission to feel anything. When we decide to believe in ourselves, to trust, ourselves, our self-esteem rises. We may not choose to share our feelings or to act on them, but we must learn to identify them and trust them.
  13. FIND ANOTHER WAYWe identify alternatives. What is happening right now? If nothing changes, what real choices do we have? What are the probable consequences of each choice? Communicating indirectly, trying to get others to change, or waiting until things are different are choices. We must learn to see that we have other alternatives. This may be very difficult. We often need help in identifying alternatives, because our habitual way of handling things seems the only way to us. 
  14. BE OBJECTIVE – Sometimes it helps to recast the situation as a problem to be solved. Try to be objective. Who is involved? What are the issues to be resolved? What does each side want? Is it possible to try and negotiate or compromise? By letting go of an instinctive solution, we can concentrate on the problem- with unexpectedly satisfying and rewarding results. Don’t trust your ego!
  15. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONSCheck your assumptions. Our low self-esteem causes us to imagine the worst and then act as though it were true. So often we find that our worst fears are not true, especially where other people’s estimation of us is concerned. We need to ask more about what others really think and feel. Curiously, knowing the truth- even if it’s awful- often relieves tension and clears the air. We can stop being afraid of what might be and deal with what is. When we act on assumptions, we allow ourselves to be ruled by fear. 

We need to decide what we really need and start looking for it. This is the hardest part, because then we must admit we have needs, This means letting go of our images of being perfect, aloof, self-sufficient, and always in control. As long as we persist in denying our needs and arranging things so we will feel secure, we will not know what we really need. Healing calm, joy and peace are waiting for you. All you need to do is commit to the work of letting go of Your Self Will run Riot and be reborn to your Sacred Self rather than your disordered persona.

Addicted to Ego and Self Will

For more information on being Addicted to Ego and Self Will get in touch and start a program with us. We offer a vast array of retreats, events, addiction recovery programs, alternative luxury rehab for the soul programs and addiction counselling from a team of professionals run by Addiction Psychology strategist Mark L Lockwood BA(psy)(hons) from our coastal paradise in South Africa. We have seen over 9 000 people heal, recover and renew their lives since we began to treat addiction, depression and everything from being Addicted to Ego and Self Will to personality disorders. One thing we know from offering luxury rehab products for so many years is that people who are willing do recover in relatively short periods of time. Almost always! All you need is the right system.

Addicted to Ego and Self Will